Frank Kogan

Beyoncé and T.I. trade places at 1 and 2, up a spot into third is the undeniably catchy Lady GaGa track the catchiness of which the rest of you want to deny, and the Veronicas enter the American Top 40 for the first time with the tenth-best song on Hook Me Up.

( Brandy )

( All-American Rejects )

( The Veronicas )

( Though times are hard, Year In America gives you a special bonus for Wobs )

Good girl gone better with every listen.

( The Fray )

( Jim Jones )

( Rihanna )

( Ludacris )

( Kanye West )

Week is more strange than dominating, but has a lot that's intriguing.

( Kanye West )

( Taylor Swift )

( Paramore )

( Beyoncé )

( O.A.R. )

This week brings good news for fans of the subjunctive.

( Beyoncé )

( Shontelle )

Britney jumps to number one, Carrie and Abel make the long trek to the Top 40, and Akon and Weezy finally have a week where no one invites them in as guests, so they invite each other.

( Britney Spears )

( Saving Abel )

( Carrie Underwood )

( Akon )

The Top Five is all T.I. and M.I.A., in a glorious feat of initials. Well, not quite: Pink is 1 and Rihanna is 3. But T.I. is 2, M.I.A. is 4, and there they are together holding hands and smashing feats at number 5. And five new tunes tick for the full circuit, Jazmine finally pushing through to the Top 40 from her base in the urban leagues.

( T.I. & Jay-Z )

( Taylor Swift )

( Fall Out Boy )

( Kevin Rudolf )

( Jazmine Sullivan )

P!nk jumps into the top five and M.I.A. returns to it, Archuleta fades quickly, while a couple of old pop-grunge loveboys reappear and whole hunks o' country loll about between forty-one and fifty. A few newb tracks achieve OKness.

( Katy Perry )

( Ne-Yo )

( Gavin Rossdale )

( Jimmy Wayne )

( Darius Rucker )

Olympic platitudes from Chris and Taylor, David warms up the studio, Yung Berg satisfies Casha but not me.

David Archuleta "Crush": Combo of sugar and anguish similar to Jordin and Chris on "No Air"; his lower register has more feeling than it did on AI; this is generic but far better than he gave us on Idol. Easy TICK.

Taylor Swift "Change": A wave of guitars and cymbals, her tenuous expressive voice as fetching and biting as ever, but the lyrics are boring abstractions - "These walls/That they put up/To hold us back/Will fall down" - and the chorus is a nondescript wash. A TICK for sure, but disappointing.

Chris Brown "Dreamer": His voice is precise against a choppy rhythm, but layered-in African harmonies give this a Kumbaya feel. This is worthless piffle. NO TICK.

Yung Berg f. Casha "The Business": "You know just what to do/You give me the business," sings a delighted Casha. At this point, all r&b sex lyrics sound like parodies. Song takes interesting form, all intros and curlicues, but the result is still dumb and dull. NO TICK.

Katy holds off Chris and Rihanna once again, but the latter's downloads build and build. Estelle rises to 12, M.I.A. jumps to 16, and only two new tracks find their way to the top 40:

Jonas Brothers "Tonight": Singers strain to emote while guitars chug along doggedly. Their worst song ever? NO TICK.

T-Pain f. Lil Wayne "Can't Believe It": The Quirk brothers attempt a sentimental ballad. Not credible. A solid win for DON'T LIKE ANY.