Help Me Write My Bio

[koganbot]

The Las Vegas Weekly wants a short footer bio from me (about 25 words). When asked for bios I generally write things like "Frank Kogan paints white stripes on black zebras, black stripes on white zebras, and black-and-white stripes on plain zebras." Or I get even more fanciful (see examples below). But I want to be more straightforward for this one; otherwise I'll come across as gauche or smirky or trying too hard. Yet I still want to have a special flair, rather than do the usual bit of "Here's where respected institutions have noticed me."

So, would appreciate any attempts on your part to write my bio for me.

Previous bios:

For Luc & Melissa's O.K. You Mugs antho:

"Frank Kogan has a dancing beat. His eye color is unknown. His height is undetermined, but you have to look up."

For the Xgau tribute antho Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (Don Allred wrote this one; he'd considered calling me "Kogan Delano Roosevelt" but decided to link me to the kite flyer rather than the court packer):

"In seasons of metaphysical feast and material famine, Benjamin Kogan Franklin can be found walking the lawn and mowing the dog while smoking the drainpipe for frugality's and inquiry's sake, humming 'Autumn Leaves' and raking songs into baskets. Taking them to markets while clouds cluster into apple trees, awaiting their own harvest and Eve."

For the Da Capo 2006 best-of (I think this one will be the definitive biography for at least a generation):

"Frank Kogan walked a thousand miles while you were asleep, brags of his stained garments, and can be found online poking and winking at people any day of the week, though he nonetheless claims there's more to him than you've seen, and invites you to ask. Fragments of his journey are collected in Real Punks Don't Wear Black (University of Georgia Press)."

Which reminds me:

It would probably be a good idea to work in a plug for my book.

Comments

[carsmilesteve.livejournal.com]

"wadda you mean you don't get it? go and read Real Punks Don't Wear Black (University of Georgia Press), then come back and try again!"

with link to LA Weekly approved bookseller, obv ;)